A Note: Life As I Know It Now

6 July 2014

Via Pinterest
Hello lovely folks!

I'm back again with a personal post.. I've decided to make use of my blog a little more in that manner as it always ends up being cathartic and holding resonance with a few of you. So, here we go!

First things first:: on Friday, I graduated with my 2:1 from uni in Festival, Events & Marketing Management.. yaaaay! Here's a peek at my outfit, which caused a lot of Wizard of Oz references, naturally! Dorothy shoes!



It was a lovely day and felt so triumphant. 4 years in Higher Education, check! Was great to catch up with fellow graduates and discuss all our plans & dreams for the future. And also nervously worrying about making sure we didn't trip up on the stage as we collected our parchments.. haha! I didn't, by the way! Phew.. I also felt so thankful to my family for being there for me throughout the past few years, as uni can often be a stressful and overwhelming experience (alongside the late nights in 1st and 2nd year rocking up to lectures for 9am the next day.. ahem. We've all been there..)

The Dorothy shoes were put to rest after a full day on my feet.. Kir Royales on the balcony at Chaophraya, Edinburgh ♥


After that amazing day celebrating my achievements with my loved ones, it's come at me like a tonne of bricks: what do I do now?! My uni pal Hannah (who writes a music blog and will probably love me for recommending her here haha! Go follow if you love music like her!) is off in search of adventures abroad to work & break free from Britain for a bit. She's definitely encouraging me to join her, and I may just think about it if job hunting back here still doesn't go to plan like I hoped.. who knows! I did, quite naively, assume job hunting wouldn't be this tough. Particularly after I worked hard to gain internships and experience alongside my Degree, and made good contacts for the future. Alas, it's becoming a tough journey, as it is for thousands of other graduates across the country. The employers who want you don't have the funding or the space to hire right now, and other employers don't want to employ a fresh graduate. I'm certainly feeling the strain, in more ways than one. I know I am a valuable asset though (as I learned from Bangs & A Bun at a talk she did; "know your worth!"), so let's hope the right job turns up asap!

Kicking back with a Mango Passion cocktail with the silhouette of Edinburgh Castle in the background
On a more personal side note, I am struggling with missing the person who chose to walk out of my life last year. Being in love with someone is something I don't believe really ever fully goes away. You just have to learn to manage with it and cope as best you can. Unfortunately, in private, I am dealing with it in all the wrong ways. I've only really admitted to myself quite recently that I've put on weight from comfort eating in the past 6 months. I nap a lot and I miss him mostly in those happy moments where I wish he was there to see me achieve my dreams or laugh at stupid things that happen. It's probably just misfortune that every guy I have dated since him has never been quite right for me. Either I've ended it or they have. Ironically, two of them said "I'm still in love with my ex too", ha! Aside from that, boys just don't look at me like they used to when I was 19 and care-free, and I've experienced mostly rejection (this isn't just me being pessimistic, sadly ha). It's hard not to wallow in the feeling that I'm never going to be loved like I once was. Fortunately, the one thing I do still have is the sense that I am a good person and I love who I am. I just feel frustration that no-one else sees that (other than my amazing & growing group of girl pals!). Really, I can't wait to be working so I don't have to acknowledge these feelings so much. I always function 10x better when I'm working full time. At work is where I feel confident and needed, even if my love life makes me feel the opposite.

xoxo

1 comment:

  1. First Things First, ... you look AMAZING for your graduation and those Dorothy heels - fantastic :)

    Next - Boys - don't push it, the right one will come along when you least expect it and it's not nice to be the only one who loves in a relationship, but when you find that person who loves you as much as you love them it's really special.

    You're young yet, go explore the world around you have fun and look forward not back.

    As to jobs, there's not much out there for anyone .. in the meantime whilst applying for full time permanent work why not try pitching some ideas to companies you would like to work with and see what comes of it. You only have to gain from this type of thing.

    Also worth looking at other ways of getting to where you want to long term, e.g. can you get there by going a slightly longer different route that will give you other experience and an edge over other applicants?

    overall, be you, be who you are, and try to have a positive attitude to everything you do, take the knocks as being things that werent meant for you as they werent good enough for you, the whole "whats for you wont go by you" theory really does work.

    keep smiling and keep posting on your blog :) oh and keep wearing awesome stuff like you are here, you really do look fabulous.

    Tom. :)

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Thanks for reading! xo